Forward

We received this forward a while back and thought it was rather amusing. I will share it with you.
Disclaimer: The views expressed are not necessarily those of the blogger.

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

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Democrat's Answer:Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

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Republican's Answer:

BANG!

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Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click................
(sounds of reloading.)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!"

Hot Week

We spent last week in the Ozarks at Lakeview Resort. When we rolled into town on Sunday the temperature was 106. The daily high stayed above 100 every day until Friday when it only reached 97! That's hot for the Midwest! Thankfully our cabin had a good air conditioner because I spent a lot of time enjoying it. We had an outdoor pool, an indoor pool and of coarse the Lake, so between the water and the air conditioning we survived. I spent a couple hours hiking in Ha Ha Tonka State Park toward the end of the week, but it was too hot and humid to enjoy it. It would be a neat place to explore in nicer weather. But mostly, I got to be lazy for a week and that's what this vacation was all about. There were 45 of our family together there for parts of the week so we got caught up on all the latest.
Now it's back to the humidity and work here in central Illinois.
Reality.

Uncle Bill Jokes

I spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks with Uncle Bill. He always has a joke to tell. Here is a sampling of his jokes.

Q. Why was the Egyptian boy so upset?
A. He found out his daddy was a mummy!

Q. Why was the Archaeologist so sad?
A. His whole life was in ruins.

Q. Did you hear that they are going to ship the entire Chicago Cubs baseball team to the Philippines?
A. They are going to call them the Manila Folders.

Q. Did you know there is a town called Footstool, Iowa?
A. It's just south of Davenport.

A man sees a ghost one evening. After the initial shock, he gets up the nerve to ask the ghost if he can take his picture. The ghost agrees and poses for him. But alas, the picture doesn't turn out. You see, the spirit was willing but the flash was weak!

Everyone knows that William Tell and his son were great archers. But few know that they were also accomplished bowlers. They were in many leagues, and traveled around the country and won many tournaments and exhibitions. But alas, all records of their bowling and scores have been lost. So now, no one knows for whom the Tells bowled!

Q. Did you hear that they aren't going to make toothpicks any longer?
A. They are going to keep making them the same length they always have!

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance:

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine:

It's Over

The vigil has ended.
At 3AM Tuesday we got a call from the hospital that she was going downhill fast. Her lungs were filling with fluid and her kidneys had stopped functioning. The family was called in. At 10 AM the nurse said she had 2-12 hours left. The night came and went. Wednesday came and went. Thursday came and went. Each hour spent watching for the last breaths. Finally, shortly after 1 AM Friday morning the Lord took her home.
She ended up being a lot tougher than she thought she was! A few months ago she told a niece that she "didn't have enough powder left to blow myself up."

I couldn't have asked for a better Mother-in-law.
I spent 8 consecutive afternoons or evenings in her room. We were impressed with and grateful for the wonderful care that the staff gave her at BroMenn. Under the circumstances, it was a positive experience.

Ecclesiastes 7
1A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.
2It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart.
3Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.
4The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.

Random - I watched two nurses change the sheets and mattress pad on a bed with the patient still in it.